Equality
by feistypaants
Summary: Kristoff just wants to matter to Anna. Anna realizes she has been prioritizing wrong all along. Inspired by Lost in the Woods from F2, and things I wish maybe went a little differently in the movie.


"Wait, wait!" Anna tripped over her dress as she ran down the castle hallways to catch up to Kristoff, who had been walking with determination. "Where are you going?" Her fingers barely caught the edge of his jacket, clenching tightly into the fabric. "Please, wait!"

He stopped.

He turned around.

Anna couldn't help but notice the wetness brimming his lower eyelashes.

"I just…" He started, grabbing her hands in between his and fully enveloping them in his warm grasp. "I love you -"

"I love you, _too_," she desperately interrupted, giving their enclosed hands a swift shake, trying to knock some sense into him.

"But…" Kristoff sighed, pulled her hands to his mouth and placed a soft kiss on her fingers, lingering for just a moment as he chose his words carefully. "I… I'm not sure where I fit in here, Anna."

Her eyes darted from side to side, and she pulled her hands from his to gesture to their surroundings. "Of course you fit in! You've been doing so well! Even without the fancy clothes and ice master title! I mean, even Elsa -"

He winced, and lifted his hands to his face before cutting her off. "I don't mean here. I mean…" Kristoff moved his hand between them, doing his best to show her what he meant. "_Here_."

"I don't… I don't understand." Her brows were furrowed, concern weaving through her features as she tried to force him to make eye contact with her.

He took a deep breath and quickly swept his fingers at his eyes, keeping his gaze trained on the toes of her shoes. "I know what I want, Anna. But I'm starting to think you don't feel the same."

"_What_? Of course I do! Of course I -"

Kristoff moved quickly, not sure he could handle hearing her rebuttal, and cupped her jaw in both of his hands before pressing a full, heartfelt kiss to her lips. She kissed him back, her hands finding his for only a moment before he regrettably pulled away, leaving a confused and whiplashed princess staring up at him.

"There's always…" he sighed. "_Always_ going to be something or someone more important to you than me." She moved to protest and he shook his head. "It's okay. Of course it is. It's always fine." He sighed, and stepped forward to wrap his arms around her. "I love you, more than anything." Her hands slid up his back, fingers tangling into his jacket. "I never thought I could love anyone like this."

He felt her hiccup against his chest.

"I just need some space. Some time."

Anna squeezed him tighter, her words trembling. "But I love you."

"I know," he placed a kiss against her forehead as he pulled back, untangling her hands from his clothing. "I _know_."

Kristoff could feel his heart breaking as he looked down at her, blue eyes tinged red, small body trembling. "Then why are you leaving?"

But he didn't know what to say. His words were caught in his throat, and he heaved a sigh before spitting out whatever he could manage.

"I just want to be _equal_. Just… equal to everything else in your life. Just," he wiped under his eyes again, catching her gaze and the confusion swirling inside it. "Just give me a few days."

"Okay…" Anna, hesitated for a moment before stepping forward and pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. "If…" she sighed, taking more steps back. "If that's what you need…"

Kristoff nodded his head before turning around and heading to the exit, doing his absolute best to keep moving forward as he heard her let out a sob behind him.

Kristoff followed paths familiar to him, his heart pounding as his feet dragged through the crisp leaves of autumn. He barely made it to the outskirts of the kingdom before tears started flowing freely, not stopping no matter how much he begged his body to listen to him. It was all getting to be too much.

He knew she loved him, logically.

He knew she loved him, rationally.

He _knew_ she loved him, when she looked up at him with big doey eyes. He knew she loved him when she leapt at him with a smile on her face, kissed him with heat on her lips, fell asleep in his arms and woke him up with big snarky grins and fingers to the tip of his nose and a teasing _you snore_.

But the minute - the _second_, even - something else wanted her attention, she was gone.

And he understood. She had missed out on years of experiences, years of friendships, years of a life with her sister. It was fine. It was always, always fine.

All Kristoff had wanted was her undivided attention for _one _night. He had planned and planned and planned some more, set the tone, got her alone, pulled out the ring and …

He sat on the first stump he could find, and rested his head in his hands.

She had been so distracted by Elsa that she didn't even _notice_.

Reaching in his pocket with a sigh, Kristoff pulled out the soft wrapping, gently untying the ribbons on the package, and placed the small band above the first knuckle of his finger.

He had spent months making sure it was perfect. A blend of his upbringing and hers. A fiery troll stone set in a traditional arendellian motif, with her warmth reflected in the yellow gold next to the white gold of his chillier exterior.

Her huge, giving heart had brought a new and incredible light into his life, and he wanted to make sure she knew how much she meant to him. Forever.

But lately he had started to wonder if he meant as much to her as she did to him. Or was he just convenient? Was he just there to ease the loneliness? Give her someone to give attention to when the queen was distracted?

He shook his head. That wasn't right. He knew that wasn't right.

_Damn it._

Anna knew she was being pathetic, but he had already been gone for three hours. That was two hours and fifty nine minutes too _long_. So she had dug in his wardrobe, pulled out his pajamas, and curled up in them in front of the warm fire.

Why did he go? What did he mean, he wanted to be an equal? He meant so much more to her than she ever knew how to express. He was far and above almost everyone in her life, and that _scared _her.

When he left to visit the trolls, or oversee new ice harvesters, or anything else that took him away from her, Anna felt herself break a little inside. She had let him go once, and she hated doing it every time since.

But he asked. He asked for some time alone, and she had to respect him.

He loved her, right?

He had said it so many times.

But sometimes she pushed him too far, or was too loud, or too _Anna_, and she was sure he would leave. Why would he stay? She wasn't anything special. She was just…

_No_, she scolded herself, burying her nose into the collar of his sleep shirt. Anna had worked hard to shake that mindset and she wouldn't let herself fall down that spiral again. He _loved_ her, so much, and she _knew_ it. She was so worth loving.

Biting her lip and sighing, Anna stretched out on the couch, her toes brushing the armrest.

So then why did he _leave_?

Kristoff was laying against Sven, strumming a soft melody on his lute, the ring still sitting snug on his finger. It felt like the old days, and Sven nuzzled his nose against the side of Kristoff's face with a sad snuffle.

He had been gone for two days, and it hadn't helped in the slightest.

After walking around for a few hours, Kristoff, unfortunately, realized that he didn't have many places to go anymore, and didn't quite feel like camping out without his best friend. So he turned around, went back to the kingdom, and hunkered down in the stables.

He just hoped no one noticed him here. He wasn't sure he'd know how to explain himself.

When he first moved into the palace, Kristoff had been quite uncomfortable with the idea of living a plush, undeserved life, and had made a tiny loft above the barn in case he felt like he needed a return to what he knew. It happened less and less often as the years went by, and when he was firmly settled into spending every other night in his princess' bed, the makeshift bed was just downright unappealing.

Strumming an out of tune note brought him back to reality, and he patted the side of Sven's muzzle, slipping the ring back into the velvet bag.

"I…" he started, sighing. "She's all I know anymore, buddy. She's all I _want _to know."

The reindeer let out a relieved snort, before laying his head down on the ground.

"I mean…" Kristoff grasped the ring firmly in his fist, nodding mostly to himself. "I know who I am without her… but I don't _want _to be that person anymore. I just…"

He sighed once more, deflating. "I wish I knew if she felt the same way…"

As he settled back down against the soft fur of Sven's side, he heard the barn door slam open and hurried feet running through the stable.

Anna sighed, rolling over in her bed. It had been two days and her pillow didn't smell like him anymore and she was _tired_ and _sad_ and _anxious_. She didn't know where he went or where he was staying or if he was safe…

She wiped her red eyes and pulled the blankets over her head when she heard an incessant knocking at the door.

"Go away, Olaf."

But he didn't. He kept knocking until she heard him fumbling with the lock and giggling as the door swung wide open. As grateful as she was for him finding her that night, him learning to pick locks would never be something she was okay with.

"Hey Anna!" he practically sang, running to her window and throwing open the shades letting all the bright light into her bedroom. "You've been sleeping for _days_!"

She groaned before throwing the blankets down and sitting up in her bed. "What is it, Olaf?"

"Oh," he looked her up and down, nodding. "You look… hmm." Anna rolled her eyes as he scrambled up into her bed, sitting beside her. "Where's Kristoff?"

"I don't know," she mumbled, pulling her knees to her chest.

"I thought he lived here now?"

"He _does_."

"So where'd he go?"

"I don't _know_!" Anna felt tears welling at her eyes again. She had just managed to stop crying, and she dropped her head on top of her knees in frustration. "He left."

Olaf hummed, patting her shoulder. "Are you going to find him?"

"He told me to leave him alone…"

"That didn't stop you when Elsa said the same thing, did it?"

Anna froze, her heart dropping into her stomach. No, it hadn't. In fact, nothing ever deterred her from helping Elsa. Not being told to go away, not doors slammed in her face, not her being sick, not her being sad, not…

Not even Kristoff smiling sadly at her as she walked out of the parlor the other day. He had been saying something, hadn't he?

Her eyes darted to the window, looking at the leaves falling outside the window, before turning back to Olaf. "You're… you're right."

If nothing stopped her from going after Elsa… Why was she letting something stop her from going after Kristoff?

_I just want to be equal._

Equal.

Oh, _no_.

Realization hit her hard, and she scrambled out of her bed, ignoring the snowman who was now buried under her blankets. She didn't have any time to spare, and quickly pulled her boots on over Kristoff's too long pants, tied her sash tighter around the waist, and bolted for the door.

How would she even find him?

Her feet slipped on the polished floors as she ran through the hallways, barrelling through doorways until she made her way down and out of the castle. She had almost started running to the mountains when she realized that a horse would _probably_ be faster.

Throwing open the doors to the stable, Anna ran as quickly as she could towards the back where her favorite horse was boarded. "Okay, Snowball," she sang, almost laughing at the coincidental name. "We're going to go find -"

She turned a corner and let out a surprised yelp when she saw large antlers and a full head of blond hair staring up at her from the floor.

"Anna?"

Relief washed over her whole body as she ran forward and threw herself to the ground, confident that he would catch her. And she was right. His arms opened wide, cushioning her fall and pulled her flush against his chest smiling as she buried her nose into his chest.

"Please," she sighed, catching a sob in her chest. "Please say you still love me."

Kristoff could feel her body trembling, and he adjusted his hands to bring her gaze to his face. "Hey, what…" He paused as he watched her eyes brimming with tears before wiping her cheeks. "Hey, of course I do."

She shook her head in disagreement and closed her eyes, leaning her cheek into his palm. "I would understand if… if you didn't…"

"Anna," he started, trying to make her look at him. "What are you -"

"I'm bad at this. I don't know -"

"You're not _bad _at -"

"I _am_. I'm a bad -"

"You're just new to -"

"But I've been _neglectful _and -"

"You're _not_ -"

"But I _am_."

She took a deep breath to continue, but Kristoff cut her off with finality. His voice was gentle but stern. "Do you love me?"

Anna froze and sniffled, her eyes finally opening to meet his gaze. "Of course I do."

"Then," he sighed, pulling her into a hug, her head falling into the crook of his neck and resting his chin against the curve of her nose. "We'll figure it out."

They stayed like this for a while, breathing slowing, Anna's hands rubbing back and forth on his chest. He spun her messy curls in between his fingers, feeling his heart growing lighter with every passing minute.

Anna let out a sigh against his skin, and turned just enough to look up at him. "What were you saying the other day, in the parlor?"

He froze and let out one breathy laugh. "Oh, uh…" He hummed, reaching into the pocket inside his vest. "Just wanted to…" He moved his hand from her back, opening the ties of the velvet bag. "Ask you something."

Anna sat up in his lap, looking with curiosity. "What's…"

The ring slipped out into his palm, and he did his best not to shake too badly. It didn't help when her hands came up under his, lifting his palm closer to her face. "You're my everything, Anna."

He felt fat tears fall from her chin to his hand, and he couldn't help but laugh. They were both unbathed, in days old clothing, sitting on the floor of the stables, smelling like horse and reindeer sweat, and it was almost as if this couldn't have worked any other way.

"Will you -"

She leapt forward, wrapping her arms around his neck and throwing their bodies to the ground. He couldn't even finish his question before her lips came hard down onto his, knocking the wind out of him.

"Yes," she wept through kisses, moving her lips to the side of his mouth as he laughed and tried to speak.

"You didn't," he laughed again, wrapping tight arms around her middle and leaning her backwards. "Let me finish."

"Oh," she smiled, wiping at her eyes. "Go ahead."

Kristoff lifted the ring up between them. "Marry me?"

"Oh!" she smirked, tapping her chin. "Well if _that's _the question, I might have to -"

He pulled her forward to cut her off with a laugh, kissed her again, and slipped the ring onto her finger before tangling his hands into the hair at the back of her head.

"I love you," she whispered when they slowed, her voice a ghost on his lips. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he kissed her again, shifting under her weight. "We have plenty of time to get it right."


End file.
